


Letter of Life

by Sunshinenkoala



Category: GOT7
Genre: 2Jae, Alternate Universe - High School, Bottom Choi Youngjae, Cross-Posted on Wattpad, Drinking, Eventual Smut, Jinyoung is the only straight one lmao, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Recreational Drug Use, Slow Burn, Top Im Jaebum | JB, Well sort of... you’ll see what I mean
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-17
Updated: 2019-01-04
Packaged: 2019-08-24 17:41:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 12,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16644806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sunshinenkoala/pseuds/Sunshinenkoala
Summary: "𝘚𝘰 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨"Youngjae starts getting letters from an anonymous sender and somehow gets involved with the infamous Im Jaebum. His life gets flipped upside down, for better or worse.





	1. Prologue

"HOW COULD YOU KEEP THIS FROM ME?"

 

"I'm sorry Youngjae-"

 

"MY PARENTS ARE GONE AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT"

 

_Playing this game was a mistake._

 

•✉️•

 **M** aybe to you life is no longer worth living

However this game, is well worth playing

So enjoy and come along for the ride

It'll be fun I promise, I never lie

_**Sincerely, M.E.M** _


	2. Character Profile

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a bit of background on the characters, you can find their mood boards here: https://twitter.com/sunshinenkoala/status/1063850684770963456?s=21

‼️ **PLEASE READ THE CHARACTER PROFILES THEY ARE IMPORTANT TO UNDERSTANDING THE STORY** ‼️

**_Im Jaebum_  **

**January 06, 2000**

In his senior year  
He moved to Seoul 2 months ago  
There are a lot of rumors surrounding him as to why he suddenly moved in his last year of highschool. All the girls and even some guys fawn over is amazing looks, but are too scared of his reputation to get close to him. He has no friends and spends almost all his time alone.

**_Choi Youngjae_**

**September 17, 2001**

In his senior year (he skipped a year)  
He is a scholarship student  
He actually hates school and any type of work but continues to get good grades and do long hours. For this is how he survived the past two years. He feels haunted by his past and still experiences depression sometimes, not that he'll let his 5 friends know that. He tends to seem rude but he's not, he's just scarred.

**_Mark Tuan_ **

**September 04, 1999**

In his senior year   
Born in America   
He had to repeat a year due to the fact his family was constantly moving around. His family finally settled down in Korea a year ago.  
Jackson was the first person to talk to him since his Korean wasn't amazing at the time and Jackson spoke English. They ended up dating after only a month and have been ever since. He is shy around new people but with his friends he is sassy and loud. He is obsessed with dying his hair.

**_Jackson Wang_ **

**March 28, 2000**

In his senior year   
Also a scholarship student from China  
He is different from Youngjae because the scholarship wasn't necessary for him to attend sunshine academy. He is filthy rich but only his closest friends and boyfriend know that. He has been dating Mark for almost a year. He performs at a night club in his free time. He wants to be a language teacher in the future.

 **_Park Jinyoung_ **     

**September 22, 2000**

In his senior year   
He often sleeps around with many girls but that's only because one broke his heart in middle school. He always looks after his friends and they tease him calling him a 'mom'. He also performs with Jackson at the same club.

**_Kim Yugyeom_ **

**November 17, 2002**

In his freshman year   
Has known Bambam since he was 3. They started as best friends but ended up falling in love. They have been dating for 2 years now.  
He secretly loves cross dressing and works a dancer while he is dressed as a girl. He still has not told anyone about any of this.

**_Kunpimook Bhuwakul (Bambam)_ **

**May 2, 2002**

In his freshman year  
He is from Thailand   
He moved to Korea to live with his uncle after his single mother died of cancer. Yugyeom was his neighbor and they've been close ever since.  
He has a secret he's keeping from everyone and is afraid of being found out.

**_Park  Jimin_ **

**October 13, 2000**

In his senior year  
Has been close with Youngjae ever since he found the younger living in a tent. Since he lives alone with his brother Taemin, they took him in for a few months until he got back on his feet.

 **_Park  Taemin_ **     

**July 18, 1994**

Music store owner  
He basically raised Jimin seeing as his parents failed to do so. Ever since Jimin brought Youngjae home that day he has treated him as his own brother. He is very protective over both of them.

•✉️•

 


	3. Un~Mornings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Annoying alarm clocks and thoughtful walks.

_**Youngjae POV**_  
I wish I could say that I woke up to the birds singing beautifully outside my window, despite the cooler atmosphere of fall slowly settling in. I wish I could say that I was slowly lulled out of my slumber by the faint shining rays of the sun through my currently closed blue curtains. I really wish I could say that I was feeling fully rejuvenated and ready for the day to come.

Unfortunately however, that was not the case for this early autumn morning. If anything it was the complete opposite. 

I was ripped from sleep by what in that moment I considered to be the most annoying sound ever,  _my alarm clock._ Of course living in the heart of Seoul, I could hear a bunch of city noise as well. People already going through the daily routine, contributing to the sense of life that Seoul always had.

This is how my days always started. Late nights of doing God knows what-probably homework-and early mornings that were never peaceful. Always clinging to the idea that maybe I should just give in to the warm comfort of my bed and let myself get proper rest for once. I end up forgoing the notion every time, even on my precious weekends because I convince myself if I'm not at school I should be at work.

I glared at my alarm then proceeded to turn it off (more like crush it with how much force I used), which was followed by me throwing it across the room. It collided with my wall and fell with a soft  _thump_  onto the carpeted floor of my bedroom.

My hatred for mornings grew with everyday that I'd repeated this process, the poor clock did nothing to deserve what it got yet here we are. I could still hear it's faint ticking as I shoved my face into my pillow and groaned into it.

Reluctantly, I finally managed to drag myself out of bed and begin my morning routine.

I was half asleep through most of it, just going through the motions, my mind remaining unusually blank. Instead of the clouded mess that is frequently manifested from my inner thoughts.

After showering and getting dressed I decided to start putting on the little makeup that I did wear. I didn't go through this process for my own pleasure so no, it's not like I show up to school full face. I only wear some concealer in an attempt to hide the dark circles that have seemed to make a permanent home under my eyes from exhaustion. I don't need the unnecessary questions or worry that I would surely receive if I didn't.

Explaining the fact that I get barely any sleep and am basically living off of instant ramen isn't really my idea of a fun conversation topic.

When I was done I left the bathroom and headed down the hall to the dining room to collect everything I needed for the day. Grabbing my wallet, bag and keys, I made way to the front door and began the journey to hell- I mean school.  _Same shit anyways._

•✉️•

I always walk to school because one: it's not even that far, fifteen minutes at most on a really slow day and two: I'm not wasting money on the bus that could be spent on food.

Plus it gives me the opportunity to think about things, to completely zone out from the rest of the world. My only focus being the background noise of music blasting through my headphones, that is inevitably drowned out but the sound of whatever thoughts are currently racing through my head. Right now all I could think about was my current situation in general. To be blunt, I'm living in a shitty cycle of school, work, study and sleep (if I even have the time).

My life is dull and boring. I mean, of course I have some friends and they're amazing people, but other than school we don't see each other much because of my packed schedule.

Once again I barely registered that I had already reached my destination and was about to walk through the front gates.

School ... yay.

I am enrolled in the ever famous Sunshine Academy, in all honesty I feel this place doesn't suit me at all. However, in general it's not  _that_  bad, tolerable I'd say. Excluding the fact that it's a school, and school sucks.

Seeing as this was a private school, and a fairly expensive one at that, most of the student body was made up of richer kids in Seoul but besides a few stuck up assholes they were actually decent human beings. It's not like those dramas that I constantly hear about but never have the time to watch, where all the rich people exclude and bully the scholarship students. If anything the scholarship students were praised for being talented enough to attend the school without paying some or all of the tuition.

Yes, I am one of those scholarship students.

Sitting down in my seat, that is in the very front by the window I waited for class to begin along with what will probably be yet another very long and boring day.

•✉️•

It was finally the end of the day and there were only five minutes left of last period. I wasn't surprised when I glanced over to see Mr. Woo doing what he always does. He was clearly content just leaning back in his chair with his legs crossed on top of his desk. All while doing something on his phone that must be so interesting that he refuses to do what he's payed for.

I honestly wonder if he even knows that what subject this class is.

I believe he could teach if he tried, anyone could really, but he's seemingly too lazy for that. The most he'll ever do is put a note on the board -most likely written by the previous teacher of this course- and assign textbook work.

Everyone knows that he's just teaching to make some extra cash because he makes enough money being an underground rapper and producing for big name music companies like JYP. He doesn't give two shits about this job.

He doesn't care if people know he hates teaching.  _Well, being a teacher, he never actually teaches us anything._ I think I've even overheard Mr.kim calling him by his stage name once before.

_What was it again?_

I swear I knew this.

Ummm

Ji.. no that's not it,

You've got to be kidding me..

 _Oh..wait...yeah that's it!_  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


"ZICO!"

•✉️•


	4. Deux~Day Off

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Letters and fateful encounters.

**_Youngjae POV_**  
"ZICO!"

•✉️•

 _"What was that Youngjae?"_ Oh my god.

Now standing, I slowly shift my gaze to the front of class. The source of the voice was actually Mr.Woo, his attention now off of his phone for once and on me.

_Oh my god._

With one eyebrow raised, he was staring at me just like the rest of the class. The feeling of all the eyes directed towards me left the uncomfortable sensation of something crawling under my skin and I  _hated_ it.

 _'Why'd I have to shout it out loud?!'_ I mentally cursed myself.

"Ah, i-it's nothing sir"  _Ugh I even stuttered, what's wrong with me?_

" Weird..", he said and went back to his usual activities and so did everyone else. I could hear the giggling and whispers of some of my classmates but chose to ignore it.

With my head hanging low in shame I quickly turned around to pick up my chair that had fallen due to me standing up too fast and sat down.

I slowly ran my hands through my hair, pulling it slightly.  _That was so embarrassing, fuck._

Shortly after that, the final bell rang and I put away the pencil case and notebook that I still bothered to take out in the rare case they ended up being used. I have the day off today so I'm going to have a long overdue date...with my bed.

Leaving the classroom I have to push my way through the crowded hallway just to get to my locker. If teachers are wondering why some people are late to class, they should come out and see this mess.

I was putting my work in my locker because I had zero intention of doing it anyway, so why bring it home. That's unnecessary weight to my bag.

I wasn't lying about being a scholarship student and I do get good grades. But my days off are rare, so I never do anything but relax. Nothing was going to get between me and sleep right now. Admittedly, this is the most freedom I allow myself to have, so whether I spend the rest of the day with my friends or laying in the-somewhat-silence of my room, the work stays here. Plus I know how easily I can catch up for tomorrow.

When I opened my locker something fell out and landed right at my feet. I bent down to pick it up from the ground.

_A letter?_

It better not be a confession letter because I don't have the time to date, nor do I want to. Dating is a luxury that just has no place in my life. No matter what the others tell me.

All that was written on the envelope was my name in a cursive font. There were two pieces of folded paper inside. I took out the paper with number one on it, then unfolded it.

" ** _M_** _aybe to you life is no longer worth living_

_However this game, is well worth playing_

_So enjoy and come along for the ride_

_It'll be fun I promise, I never lie"_

**_•Sincerely M.E.M•_ **

_What the fuck?..._ Nope. Not today. I put the paper back in the envelope and chucked it in my locker. I'm not dealing with this shit today, I can worry about it tomorrow.

As I was making my way out of the school I felt my phone vibrate. It was probably just streaks on Snapchat, but I decided to check it anyways. Pulling the device from pocket I continue walking with my head down, which probably not a good idea.  _Definitely not-_

_Boom_

Next thing I know I'm sitting on the floor with my head  _and ass,_ throbbing in pain. I obviously bumped into someone and damn it hurt more than I thought it would.

"Watch where you're going dipshit!" I yelled in rage still holding my head in my hands with my eyes closed, even though this is probably my fault.

Scratch that, definitely my fault for walking while staring at my phone.

I look up to see a guy sitting across from me on the floor, also holding his head with one hand.

"...sorry" was all he mumbled before getting up quickly and darting away.

Even though I only saw him for a second, I knew exactly who that was. Of course I would recognize the red head with piercing cold eyes.

**Im Jaebum.**

Also known as JB. He's actually a pretty quiet kid but everyone knows... everyone knows the rumors about him. He radiates the aura of your typical bad boy,  _a rebel._ The dyed hair, the tattoos, the piercings, his  _don't fuck with me_  attitude, he's the whole package.

Frankly, I want nothing to do with him, I don't need the attention that would surely come with even being seen with him.

Now with a headache, I finally I exited through the school gate and began to walk home. Conveniently enough, I just happen to forget the flash of Bambam's name that I caught on my phone right before the fall.

•✉️•


	5. Trois~Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> White ceilings and surprise visitors.

**_Youngjae POV_ **  
_I walk through the door, welcomed by the warm aroma that always fills my home. Something like the comfort of a nice thick blanket on a cold winters day is how I would describe it. I slide off my all black converse and shuffle towards the living room._

_There I find my dad sitting in the couch. Although he doesn't seem to be paying attention, there is some random drama playing on the flatscreen my mom probably forced him to watch with her._

_Speaking of mom, where is she?_

_Just as the thought crossed my mind my mom walks in. Her breathtaking smile plastered across her face, which I was lucky enough to inherit. Bless her genes._

_I see her holding her famous homemade doughnuts, when did I start drooling?_

_"Hey my little sunshine", she teases._

_Shaking my head to get out of the daze I quickly close my mouth. "Ugh moooom, I told you not to call me that anymore", I sigh. She's been calling me that ever since I was little and won't give it up._

_"Awe, where did the sweet kid that use to give me a hug and kiss everyday go..." she trailed off,  "...I blame your father"._

_"Why am I being dragged into this!?", he says with a fake offended look, his hand over his heart._

_"I'm sorry honey, can't you take a joke?", mom laughs being just as dramatic as he was._

_She placed the plate full of delicious desserts on the coffee table, then leaned in to give her husband a quick peck on the lips. Even after twenty years of marriage they are still disgustingly affectionate._

_Mom sinks down beside him on the couch finally turning her attention to me. I remained quiet through their interaction, used to watching them being extra, like every other day._

_They both smile at me and I happily return the gesture."Yah, get your ass over here" she beckons me over._

_Giggling like a little kid I walk over and settle in between them, ignoring their fake groans in annoyance._

_The rest of the night was spent binge watching You're Beautiful and eating plenty of delicious doughnuts, laughing so hard sometimes that I even cried._

_I live for moments like these._

_I hope nothing ever changes..._  
  


**What a joke.**

If only I had life as amazing as that.

After opening the door to my lonely one bedroom apartment, I head straight to my room just as I said I would. So intent on reaching my destination that I didn't even bother taking off my very old and worn out vans I received on my birthday years ago.

Discarding my mostly empty bag on the floor and not caring where it goes, I flop into bed,  _lifeless._

I turn onto my back and just stare at the plain white ceiling.  _Blank, empty, no colour,_  all pretty accurate words to describe how I was feeling right now.

My parents actually died in a car accident two years ago, it was a hit and run.

Funny right? That bastard is walking free living his life, while the only family I ever had is now gone. I have this hole in my heart that could never be replaced, yet I wasn't even granted the satisfaction of seeing the son of a bitch put behind bars.

At first I thought it was just an accident, no one was at fault for what happened. That was until I learned that witnesses saw the other guy run a red light. It  _was_ his fault. I went through so many emotions over the years; pain, sorrow, grief,  _anger._

Anger was one that stayed with me for awhile, and now it remains a faint tingling deep down that is forever covered by  _emptiness._

I've been on my own ever since then. I had no relatives to take me in and I sure as hell was not going into foster care.

I have to work long ass work hours but my independence and freedom is worth it.

I work at music store owned by my friend Jimin's older brother, Taemin. There I give vocal and piano lessons. As well as random tasks around the store to get more hours.

Taemin is actually an amazing boss. He understands my situation completely, having been there for me basically as soon as he discovered what happened, and tries to give me as much work as he can, while also making sure that I never overwork myself. He and Jimin have been the closest thing I've had to family since the accident.

Suddenly I hear my door bell ringing repeatedly, taking me from my thoughts. I look over to the clock that I had put back into it's rightful place in the morning.

_3:54 pm_

_Damn, had I really been staring at the ceiling for an hour?_ Despite this and the fact that my vans were still on my feet, I was fairly comfortable in my current position. If I just ignore it they'll go away eventually,  _right?_  
  


_I was wrong._

The ringing persisted for a good five minutes before I had decided enough is enough.

Still too lazy to get up I scream at the top of my lungs, "FUCK ALL THE WAY OFF, I'M TRYING TO SLEEP HERE CUNTS".

The ringing finally stops and I'm about to close my eyes when a loud banging can be heard from the other side of my door.

_Are you fucking serious-_

Sighing I lazily drag myself out of bed and start slowly making my way to the door.

Lemme just say whoever it is better have planned their funeral.

I whip the door open, "What the fuck do you want-", standing before me I see two idiots grinning and holding what has gotta be at least ten cases of beer.

"Wassup!!", they say in unison.

I quickly attempt to close my door to see it already being blocked by Yugyeom's leg.

He pushes past me followed by Bambam. "Yo, what's goin' on Youngjae", Yugyeom says setting down the cases by the door and sitting on my couch.

"Hi dumb and dumber, now take your shit and get out" I say motioning to the door I left open on purpose.

"Wait hyung, we have a reason for being here", Bambam cuts in placing the remaining beer by the others.

"And what may that be?", I asked confused as to where this was going.

"We're having a party.  _Here. Tonight."_

_This isn't going to end well._

•✉️•


	6. Quatre~Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Night plans and.. pizza?

**_Youngjae POV_**  
"No." I shut down the idea immediately. The last time we had a party resulted in a seven hour search for Bambam, only to find him asleep in a tree at the nearby park. I was not going to have a repeat of that, no thank you.

Yugyeom looks like he's about to say something but I cut him off before he has the chance. "First you walk into  _my_ apartment like it's your own, then out of nowhere you say you're throwing a party here without even asking me first!", I am honestly so done with these kids.

So what if I'm only a year older? They're still brats. If I have to put up with their shit, I have every right to complain.

"But that's why we're here! We're telling you now hyung", Bambam chimed with a stupid grin on his face. "Plus, I did tell you we were coming" He points out sprawling out on the couch and using Yugyeom's legs as a pillow.

I roll my eyes, "No you didn't"

"Actually hyung, he did" Yugyeom defends while running his hands through Bambam's hair, "Check you phone"

Grumbling in slight annoyance I retrieve the device from my back pocket and turn it on. Scrolling through my notifications I see that he did in fact send me a text earlier.

 **Skinny legend**  
Yo hyung, leave your door unlocked before you go to work  ** _(2:36pm)_**

_Shit, that was the text I didn't get to check earlier._

"Okay fine, you did warn me" I admit looking back up at them and ignoring their victorious grins, "However, this text just proves that you have no idea what today is."

"International dab day?", and with that Bam earned a smack on the back of the head from Yugyeom. "What is it hyung", the younger of the two questioned innocently titling his head to the side.

" _It's. My. Day. Off."_ , I basically growled at them. Their eyes widen a bit with my tone but soon return back to normal. Unfazed by what I said Bambam giggles, "That's great we can start it earlier then!".

Accepting defeat, I turn around to go close my door seeing as they weren't leaving anytime soon. Just as my hand was hovering over the knob three more dumbasses walked right past me. The couple holding hands as always, followed by the third wheel.

_Does no one care that this my place?!_

I shut the door and go back to the living room to see that they had joined my best friends. Not that I like to admit Bam and Yugie are my best friends out loud. I would never hear the end of it.

"Yah, Jinyoung, Markson, what are doing here?" I question leaning against the wall near the entryway.

Mark looks at me surprised, then finally speaks, "One, Jackson and I are two separate people so stop using the stupid ship name you created to address us, and two, all three of us are your hyungs have a little respect.". Jinyoung and Jackson agree with a simple nod.

I just roll my eyes, our group has never really let age play a huge role in how we treat each other. Especially since half of us are foreigners, "So are you gonna answer my question", I sass crossing my arms over my chest.

This time it's Jinyoung who answers, "We heard there was going to be a party so how could we not come?"

I whip my head to the side to see Bambam hiding behind his giant boyfriend. "So not only did you decide to have this party at my place, you invited people before even telling me it was happening?" I say through gritted teeth

Yugyeom rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, "...maybe?".

After a bit of awkward silence I let out a long exhausted sigh, "So is anyone going to tell me the details of this party?" I sit only the floor by the coffee table since all the seats are taken and standing takes too much effort.

Bam finally retreated from his hiding spot and before I knew it he had jumped into my lap and was squeezing the life out of me. "Thank you hyung I swear you won't regret this, plus you could finally get laid!" He giggles.

"You mother-", before I can even finish speaking he was pulled out of my lap. I glance up to seem him now being held by Yugyeom bridal style.

I hear a small chuckle then look to the other side of the room, with Jackson now laughing his ass off. "Jealous much Gyeomie?" he wheezes.

"Oh my god, Jackson that's the first thing you've said since you got here, thought your mouth was fucking broken" I retort, now it's my turn to laugh.

"Shut up", he whines before faking a pout and turning to snuggle with Mark. "Awe baby, it's okay" Mark coos, wrapping his arms around him.

Jinyoung gives them his classic 'wtf' look "Can you guys not, like I'm sitting right beside you, and Jae watch your language."

"Ok, MOM!", Jinyoung was about to say something back to me when the doorbell cut him off.

"Someone get it" I say with annoyance,  _seriously why is everyone coming here today?_ "But this is your apartment hyung, you get it" Bambam says now comfortably seated in his boyfriends lap.

I give him and exasperated look, "Oh so now you acknowledge the fact it's my place, ironic Bam". He mearly shrugs in response.

Once again I get up to open the door. What I see once I open it is what surprises me.  _A pizza delivery boy?_

Aish, it was probably them.

I turn my head slightly, yelling loud enough for them to hear me, "Yo, did you dipshits order pizza too?"

"No!", was all I heard back from the living room.

Now focusing on the boy in front of me, I noticed his baseball cap was hiding his face from my line of vision.  Actually he's been eerily silent this whole time, "Um... excuse me bu-", I stopped because of the boy forcefully shoving the pizza in my hands, before swiftly making his escape.

"YAH, I DIDN'T ORDER THIS!", I scream down the hall to the left, but he was long gone.

"SHUT UP", I turn around to see my very obviously furious neighbor. "Sorry Mrs. Kim, I'll be quieter", I apologize bowing. This bitch really got on my nerves sometimes, always complains about the stupidest shit.

"Didn't your parents raise you better than this, bothering old people with your nonsense" she grits out.

_Ouch._

Seeing as I wasn't answering and just staring blankly at the floor, she scoffed before entering her apartment and slamming the door shut.

Ignoring the little encounter I had with the grumpy old witch I return through the front door as if nothing happened. Of course locking it behind me.

Originally, I was going to check what kind of pizza it was until I noticed there was something taped to the box,  _another letter?_

Okay now this shit is getting creepy, am I being stalked? I don't think there is anyone I've encountered so far that would do something like that. Printed across the front of envelope is three big letters in bold. You guessed it,

**M.E.M**

There is a reason I left the first one at school! I do not want to be dealing with this today. Now with an impromptu party added to the mix, this is getting ridiculous.

Unfortunately, curiosity got the best of me and I opened up the letter to see what was inside.

" ** _Y_** _ou're still not convinced_

_I can understand why_

_Getting random letters, from an unknown guy_

_However you must soon choose_

_I mean, what do you have to lose?"_

**_•Sincerely, M.E.M•_ **

_Choose?_ Choose what? I think I'm missing something here. I start to think about the first letter that I received. If there was something I didn't see or didn't bother to look at.

That's it! There were two pieces of paper folded inside the first envelope and I only checked the first one. Maybe that's the clue to what I'm missing! Wait, if it's still inside the envelope that means it's at school in my locker, shit.

"Ugh, I'm sure this can wait till tomorrow morning.", I mumble to myself. I'll go first thing before first period. That is if I survive the night after all.

I don't know why I'm so interested in this, but I mean he's(?) right, I've got nothing to lose.

After hiding the letter in the back  of the kitchen cupboard where it hopefully wouldn't be found, I made my way back to my friends, surprised at how chill they were being, just on their phones and talking amongst themselves.

Although, this was completely ruined when they noticed the extra large pizza in my hands. Within the blink of an eye the pizza was taken from my possession by Mark and all five of them were pigging out on it. I smile " You guys really like food don't ya" Sitting down, I join them as Jackson begins telling a story of something crazy that happened at school again.

I honestly believe my life is a worthless shit show, but these amazing people before me have been what kept me going the past two years.

Even when  _that_ happened.

•✉️•

 


	7. Cinq~Alley

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chaotic gays and night walks.

**_Youngjae POV_**  
Honestly, I wasn't too surprised at the mess that had unfolded itself before me. Normalcy is not a word that could be associated with us for very long anyway.

Bambam was chasing Yugyeom in circles around the apartment for eating the last slice of pizza and was yelling at him to  _give it back_. I think taking the time to actually find his brain for once would be highly beneficial to him in the future.

Markson were basically making out on one of the couches while Jackson straddled Mark's lap, the others hands with a firm grip on his ass. They were never ones to shy away from PDA, often going  _way_ too far sometimes in my opinion.

 _Yes,_  I call them Markson, I ship them so what?

Zoning out on the apparently very interesting colour of my wall, I barely noticed when Jinyoung wrapped his arm around my shoulder and whispered, "Don't worry we can be single and straight together" He leans back chuckling lightly before returning to whatever he was doing on his phone.  _Probably texting a new hookup._

Single,  _yes._  
Straight,  _fuck no._

I'm gay. But Jinyoung doesn't know that, neither do the rest of them, in fact nobody does. I've never even been able to force the words out of my mouth. I mean, I've kissed a couple guys sure, but I could've been bi or pan or something else, they didn't know.

I knew that was gay a long time ago. I didn't figure it out by realizing that I was attracted some male celebrity or something like that. At a young age I was able to experience what some never do in a lifetime,  _love_. You might be thinking it's nothing but puppy love,  _a crush._ And maybe you'd be right, but it wouldn't have mattered anyway because I realized what I felt when it was too late. That person, that showed me how meaningful life truly is, that showed me how to appreciate the little things, that showed me how to care for someone with my entire being, is no longer here.

**They died.**

•✉️•

_I stood in front of my bestfriend's casket._

_Why'd he leave me so soon._

_He didn't deserve this._

_Come back, Lee Jaebum_

•✉️•

Okay that's enough depressing shit for one night, let's get this party over with.

 **1am**  
I am so tired.

There are about 30 people crammed into my already tiny apartment, filling the space completely. The air reeking of sweat and alcohol, almost suffocatingly hot. The majority are so drunk that you can't even call what they are doing dancing anymore. Just mindless grinding and swaying to a beat drowned out by a clouded haze.

Some people were walking around in only their underwear or nothing at all, because Bambam decided it would be a good idea to play strip poker. Somehow after it all he remained fully clothed.

_He probably cheated._

The music was so loud that I could feel the vibrations of the speaker Jimin brought when he came constantly pulsing through me and shaking me to the core.

Speaking of Jimin, he was currently dancing like a stripper on my dining table. He seemed to soaking in and loving all the hungry eyes that were focused on him. I can't blame them either, Jimin is undeniably sexy. Like a vixen drawing you inevitably into his trap. Maybe I would've went for him, unfortunately two bottoms don't really go well together.

Leaning silently against the kitchen counter beside a couple practically eating each others faces off, a realization hits me. I'm definitely going to have to deal with getting yelled at by the witch next door when I wake up. There's no way I won't have at the very least a talk with the landlord after this.

_This is not how I wanted to spend my night off._

I'm not gonna lie, I've had more than a few drinks throughout the course of the night. To be frank I'm completely and utterly wasted right now. How would anyone be able to get through this shit sober?

Having reached my limit, I grab a bottle of vodka from the pile of alcohol that had seemed to accumulate as more people arrived before stumbling out the door and slamming it behind me.

I want to be anywhere but here right now.

•✉️•

**_Jb POV_ **

I was rudely awakened by yet another nightmare, so I decided that I would take a walk around the block.

Living alone is not very pleasant in situations like this. Although at this point I am pretty much used to it, multiple techniques that I've picked up to steady my breathing and slow my heart rate.

It's almost 4am right now so the small neighborhood I live in is like a ghost town, with the exception of a few cars driving by every once and awhile. I stroll down the street with my hands tucked securely in my leather jacket, enjoying the calm atmosphere and soft glow of the street lights.

I really like living in Seoul. I don't live downtown so I can afford to take these peaceful night walks and not be worried about the usual hustle bustle of the city twenty four hours a day. Quite honestly my life sucks here, especially at school, but it's much better then where I came from. That in itself is a win to me.

I was walking past an alley when I heard soft whimpers coming from it. I originally thought i was just hearing things but pause to listen once again. When I hear the same noise I go further down through the dark, narrow space and surprisingly enough find something, or should I say,  _someone._

_"Youngjae?"_

•✉️•

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please remember that there is Lee Jaebum and Im Jaebum this is important!


	8. Six~Hangover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Awkward introductions and new experiences.

**_Youngjae POV_ **  
_Ow._

A sharp pain pulsing through my skull momentarily takes over all my senses, being the only thing I could truly feel as I slowly rose from the depths of unconsciousness. I was greeted by the migraine instantly but I knew this was just the beginning of a hangover. The unavoidable result of everything that I did the night before and into the earliest hours of the morning. At least I believe it was morning, I'd lost track of the time somewhere around midnight and after my third hit of the joint that was being passed around.

Slowly but surely everything else starts hitting me too. The dryness of my throat that would probably kill me when I attempt to speak, most likely caused by the serious lack of water I had consumed in the last twelve hours. The icky feel of sweat that seemingly covered me from head to toe, making the desire to shower as soon as possible swarm my mind. Finally, the  _nausea_ , I had to somehow will myself to not jump up that second and empty the contents of my stomach onto the floor.

After just laying there for a few minutes with nothing to listen to other than the sounds of my own laboured breaths, I cautiously sat up with my eyes closed. Silently preparing in case another wave of nausea was to hit. When it doesn't come, my eyes slowly flutter open, immediately my left hand coming up to block them from the harsh rays of the sun.

My gaze is blurry and unfocused so I rub my eyes with my hands to hopefully clear my vision enough to see properly. When I lower my hands I was finally able to take in my surroundings.

It's obviously a bedroom of sorts, walls painted a dark grey, matching the comforter of the bed I was currently in. It's quite plain actually, the only other pieces of furniture being a single bedside table on the side of the bed that wasn't pushed up against the wall and a desk located on the other side of the room. There were no framed photos or posters hung up, nothing personal about it at all.

_Wait, where the fuck am I?_

I look around the room that is completely unfamiliar to me, trying to piece together the events that had somehow lead me to this place but ultimately coming up blank. I finally notice my lack of clothing, grateful to find that I at least have my underwear on when I lift up the covers.

A million different scenarios start running through my brain before I can even think stop it. An endless series of what ifs supplied from my increasing paranoia.  _What if,_ in my drunken state I lost any resemblance of logic and followed some horny teen home, giving up my virginity after my seventeen years of being one. What if I was kidnapped,  _what if-_

"Oh you're up"

My spiral into full on panic mode is abruptly interrupted by a deep voice shattering the silence in the room. I follow the voice to one of the doors in the room- now ajar -a familiar face coming into view.

Of fucking course.

Why do I keep running into this guy?

The tall figure eyes me skeptically from his place leaning on the frame of the door, bringing a hand up to rake through his hair, the auburn locks stubbornly falling back into place. He was dressed simply in a black jean jacket and pants as well as a black t-shirt with a single silver chain hanging around his neck.

I clear my throat a bit awkwardly,"Jaebum, right?" I asked although I knew full well that was his name. My voice came out scratchy and hoarse, quite a few octaves lower then normal.

He nods mutely stepping further into the room towards the bed. "Yes, well I guess that saves us from introductions, Youngjae", he gives a small chuckle sitting on the bed beside me.

I give him a quizzical look,"How do you know my name?" I question carefully. My only time speaking to him so far was yesterday, which I'm seeing now isn't a great first impression to have.

He sighed shaking his head slightly as he leaned back to rest on his hands "We have homeroom together you know? With Mr.kim?"

"Oh, sorry" I apologized, honestly not knowing that he is in fact in my first period class. I often zone out in my classes, solely focused on getting the material down, only sometimes pausing to speak to one of my friends if they are in the class with me. Even going as far as doing almost all group work alone and my teachers letting me get away with it simply because I am a scholarship student.

"Don't worry about it, frankly I'm used to being ignored" he said with a shrug, seemingly unbothered by his current situation in school.

He was acting a lot different than what I originally expected when I first discovered who he was. Considering the rumours and his appearance, I was prepared for a egotistical asshole not this chill, 'go with the flow' persona I was getting from him.

"It doesn't bother you at all?" I ask, my curious nature once again getting the better of me. "You're treated like shit at school."

"Wow,thanks" he quips sarcastically.

"I'm jus being realistic here."

There's a small pause after that, neither us really making any moves to continue the conversation. That is until he sits up straight and turns to face me on the bed with a blank stare.

"Look, I know all of the rumours okay?" He begins, "From the one of me being the leader of a gang called Got7, to the affair with a teacher. I've heard just about everything at this point. People have already created this image of me there and it's certainly not going away anytime soon"

"Are...any of them true?", I questioned hesitantly, I didn't want to frustrate him, just in case you know.

"The fuck do you think?" He deadpans once again shaking his head.

"I'm going to take that as a no."

He hums lowly, turning to face door. Silence encompassing the room once more, I paused wondering how to phrase my next question. How could I say this without coming off as too direct? Ultimately I decide  _fuck it,_ what'd I have to lose anyway?

"Jaebum did we sleep together?", I question bluntly.

His head snaps toward me, eyes widened a bit and he began to blush, it was kinda...cute.

After clearing his throat he finally responded, "Of course not, I found you in an alley and I-being the kind soul I am-couldn't just leave you there so I brought you home with me" he continues "I had no choice really, you were very adamant on not telling what your address"

I nod in understanding not even beginning to question how I ended up there after leaving my apartment. "Why the fuck am I not wearing clothes then?" I pointed at my shirtless torso.

The corner of his lips upturn slightly but not fully reaching a smile, "Once we got here you said you wanted it to be summer again, tired of how cold it was getting. Then started running around and taking all your clothes off, even when I repeatedly tried to stop you from doing so. Luckily, you stopped at your underwear saying that they were your 'swim trunks' and passed out on the living room floor." He says not missing a beat.

"Wow" Is all I can get out, in awe of how stupid drunk me can be.

"Anyway, you wanna borrow some clothes?" He quickly changes the topic, "I don't think you have time to go home and change if you wanna get to school on time." Jaebum stands up to look through his closet.

"Um, yeah sure. I'd appreciate that, thanks." I replied getting out of the bed, that's when I realized it. It hit me like truck, all at once and very fast. My hangover had somehow caused me to remain oblivious to a fact that I am usually so careful about.

I had nothing but my underwear on.

So he could see.

_My scars._

I quickly ran back to the bed, going completely under the covers."Youngjae?" I heard from underneath, somewhat muffled by the fabric.

_I've managed to hide these scars for so long, how could I be so careless.?_

_"_ Youngjae, what's wrong?" the voice comes again, this time closer.

I poked my head out from the covers to meet Jaebum's worried, yet still closed off gaze.

"You saw didn't you" I mumbled almost inaudible.

"Saw what-, oh... yeah I did" he looked down at me with sympathy in his eyes.

I  _hate_ being pitied. I am  _not_ weak.

I could feel that anger bubbling in my throat but I kept it in check. It's not his fault, concern is normal. "Don't feel sorry for me and don't ask about it either, got it?" I stated firmly. I don't care if this guy helped me out last night. I don't like people in my business, getting too close. This was a personal issue that he really shouldn't have had a clue about. Not to mention I just started talking to him this morning. If I was ready to share this part of me, it certainly wouldn't be with him.

He puts up his hands in defence before returning to his previous task. "Chill out, I got it. I won't stick my nose where it doesn't belong. I'll just leave these here" he says laying down a black hoodie and blue ripped jeans on the bed, "Get changed, I'll give you a ride" He offers before leaving, closing the door behind him.

_At least he was smart enough to pick something that has sleeves._

•✉️•

"I am not getting on that thing"

"Come on Youngjae, it's just a motorcycle." Jaebum says nonchalantly getting on the death machine.

I shake my head in disagreement,"You know when you said you would give me a ride, I thought you meant in a car. Like a normal person" I swear to god I can't stand these things. All I've heard are endless horror stories of freak accidents, so no, I was not jumping at the chance to try it out.

He quirks an eyebrow at me,"Well are you getting on or not, cause if not I will leave you here. Just a reminder the next bus isn't for another forty minutes and school starts in," he pauses to check the time on his watch, "seventeen minutes" he finishes extending a helmet to me.

Knowing I have no other choice I grab the helmet with a huff, ignoring the smug look on Jaebum's face as I put it on, then joining him on the bike.

"Listen, unless you wanna fall off you're gonna have to hold on." he smirked before putting on his own helmet.

I reluctantly wrapped my arms around his waist and nodded signalling that he could start driving.

The engine came to life with a roar and Jaebum looked both ways before pulling out of his apartment complex and onto the busy streets of Seoul. He weaved his way through the morning traffic effortlessly, experience clear in the way he maneuvered the motorcycle.

At first I was more scared then I'd like to admit, clutching my arms tightly around Jaebum's torso. Any sort of uncomfortableness I felt before was overpowered by my fear to not fall to my death. If he minded it at all, he didn't say anything about it-not that I'd be able to hear him.

But slowly I started to let go, focus on the feeling of the wind blowing past me and how good the speed felt.

I started realizing how wrong about this, I was too quick to judge based on unprecedented fear, it honestly feels amazing riding a motorcycle. It has this sense a freedom to it, a momentary escape from life.  _Just like my walks,_ I thought briefly. I began to understand why he would choose this over simply driving a car.

It all seems to end too soon when we pull into the student parking lot.

•✉️•


	9. Sept~New Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gossip and lost belongings.

To say we got a few stares as we walked into the building would be an understatement.

After Jaebum and I arrived at school, Jaebum suggested we walk together since we had the same first period class. I'd considered politely declining at first with his reputation and all, but then I realized that would make me just as bad as the other students. Treating him disrespectfully based on -most likely- false information. Judging someone that I don't even truly know yet.

So I agreed, albeit a bit reluctantly. Just because I didn't want to let others influence my decisions doesn't mean I enjoy getting more attention then absolutely necessary.

I guess it was a sight to see, someone walking with the infamous bad boy. As soon as we passed through the main entrance it went eerily quiet before there was an eruption of whispers between those present.

_Omg is that JB?_

_Who's that cutie he's with?_

_Wow how cliche the nerd and the bad boy,_

_Wonder why he's hanging with that idiot,_

_Did you hear that-_

Jaebum just continued walking as if he couldn't hear them or feel their blatant stares. As if this was a totally normal occurrence, and maybe it was for him. I tried to remain indifferent to what was going on around me but it was becoming increasingly difficult.

_Honestly I wanted to figure out this whole letter situation but I guess it'll have to wait._

As we made our way through the crowded hall I seriously started to get annoyed. I had my head down and watching the floor, trailing slightly behind Jaebum. I was pretty much relying on luck that I didn't crash into someone again.

There are times when couples can be seen basically fucking in the middle of the hallway and no one pays attention to it. But me walking beside another human being is so goddamn interesting. I hate this feeling and I want it over with as soon as possible.

This is why I stick to my five friends, I don't need more than that. Popularity has never appealed to me and neither does the social pressure that comes with it.

The main reason I didn't want to get involved with Jb is becoming abundantly more clear the longer we are together. I can already feel the rumors spreading, we've become the main topic for today's daily gossip and I'm sure he knows that.

That doesn't mean I have no sympathy towards him, because I do. He seems to be a nice person but everyone else sees him as this monster. A character that others have created for him, a role that he was forced to play. I'm sure it must get lonely as well, having no one to lean on when things go bad. Loneliness is not a feeling that I am a stranger to so I get it. Maybe he has friends outside of school, maybe not.

The only way to find out is getting to know him and not his reputation.

The fact that I'm wearing his clothes doesn't help our case either. Anyone could see they are obviously the wrong size from the way I had to roll up the jeans a bunch and the hoodie reached roughly above mid thigh. I will admit however, that his clothes are extremely comfortable. I found something strangely comforting in the unfamiliar scent surrounding me.

Unsurprisingly, I once again bump into someone. I lift my head to apologize to see it was just Jaebum and we were now standing outside the class. My gaze goes from the closed door back to his face now equipped with a questioning look.

"Are okay Youngjae?"

I wave my hand dismissively before turning to open the door. "Don't worry about it" I mutter under my breathe, not really caring if he heard or not.

As we walk into the class everyone's jaws drop to the floor, even Mr. Kim. I roll my eyes and swiftly make my way to my seat. Surprisingly, Jb sits down right beside me.

"What are you doing?" I whisper leaning over so he can hear me. I was confused because he usually sits at the very back and I sit at the front. I found out that was probably the reason I didn't notice him when we were on the elevator at his apartment.

"I finally have someone to talk to so I thought I would sit here", he gives me the closest thing I'd seen to a genuine smile all morning and I thought my heart stopped for a second.

I don't like this... feeling things.

Zoned out, I completely forgot to say something back. "I can leave if you want-", he begins to stand but is pulled back down by my hand on his wrist. He stared so I quickly removed my grip and placed my hands in my lap instead.

"I never said that" I turn my head to look out the window in an attempt to hide my embarrassment, but I could feel him smirking behind me.

•✉️•

I walk into the cafeteria, of course with Jb by my side. He's been like a koala ever since this morning and even though I get that I'm the first person to truly be nice to him here, I still need my alone time. After hours of this I was used to the stares so I simply ignored them.

Quite honestly, all I could focus on at the moment was getting food. I hadn't eaten since yesterday evening when I got the mystery pizza. I barely got to get my hands on some because my friends are pigs.

I sat down at a free table and that's when I realized it. No bag, equals no wallet, which means no food for me. I've been getting by the day so far because luckily I left all my school stuff in my locker but my school bag and everything else is at home.

Oh my god,  _my apartment_. I just left it and I haven't even called my friends to tell them where I was.  _Jinyoung is going to murder me._ I reach in my pocket for my phone,  _not there._

_Fuck_

"Yo Jaebum, did I have my phone when you found me?" I ask. I hope I didn't lose it, I can't afford a new one.

"Um, no I don't think so, why?"

"Ugh it's just I don't know where I put it" I sigh in frustration. He nods in understanding,"Do you want to call it? Someone might have it" he held out his phone to me.

I gladly accepted and began punching my number in. My leg bounced up and down impatiently as it rings a couple times before I hear Sam Kim,  _Make Up_ somewhere nearby _._ Recognizing my ringtone I look around for the source of the sound.

I turn only to be met with something hard hitting me in the head.

_Everything goes black._

•✉️•


	10. Huit~New phone, new home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arguments and tears.

**_Youngjae POV_ **  
_"You're such an idiot"_

_"Well I didn't think he would be knocked out!"_

_"Both of you shut up, I think he's waking up"_

Everything was fuzzy to me, I could only hear a jumble of sounds fading in and out, just like my consciousness. Then came an insistent ringing momentarily taking over all of my senses. I tried moving slightly to find a better position and-

_Wait, where the fuck am I?_

As soon as my eyes peel open I'm faced with the familiar setting of my schools nursing office. I had spent too many of my lunches during my first year here to not recognize it immediately. The ringing slowly disappears but my relief is short lived, for it is replaced by an aching pain throughout my head. After a few deep breaths I'm finally truly able to take in my surroundings.

My friends continue to argue in hushed whispers on my right but Jinyoung silences them when he notices me giving the group a pointed glare. When I look to my left both Jb and the nurse are sitting in the chairs that were placed for visitors beside the bed.

Everyone is quiet for second before the nurse makes the first move, offering me a small smile as he stands. "Youngjae, how are you feeling?", he gently placed the back of his hand to my forehead-probably to check my temperature.

I roll my eyes as he pulls away, apparently satisfied that I don't seem to have a fever. "I feel like shit, what happened?", it feels like my headache from this morning has amplified _, and just when I was starting to feel better._

He laughs taking a seat at his desk now, "Well I think your friends have the answer to that, they brought you here". I turn my attention to my friends and notice they're all slightly annoyed at the situation, all but one that is. One has a particularly guilty look spread all over his face and is avoiding eye contact with me.  _Can he be anymore obvious?_

I sit up in the bed and place my hands in my lap. "Kim Yugyeom...What. Did. You. Do." I glare at him.

He meets my gaze, shocked that I had somehow figured out he was involved in my current predicament. "I-I" He stutters before looking at his feet again, shoulders sagging slightly in shame.

Seeing as Yugyeom was too nervous to answer, Bambam did it for him while hugging his boyfriend from behind. "Long story short, when you were calling your phone, Yugyeom saw you and decided it would be a fantastic idea to throw it to you. He accidentally threw it too hard and his aim sucks so it hit you in the head. That is the reason you passed out and we brought you here."

I stared at him with pure disbelief. Processing the stupidity that had just left his mouth. "Please tell me you're joking" I say exasperated.

"They're really not, it was hilarious to be honest."

I whip my head to the other side of the room where Jaebum was trying (and failing) to conceal his laughter. "What was that?" I question in a warning tone.

He clears his throat then goes back to his usual neutral expression. "Nothin', just continue what you were saying. Forget that I'm even here."

Jackson speaks up this time, somewhat defensively "Why are you here in the first place? How do you know Youngjae?"

Jaebum sighs and leans back in his chair, "Look dude, I don't care about whatever masculinity complex your trying to fulfill right now but frankly it's none of your business." He responds nonchalantly, unfazed by Jackson's aggression towards him.

Jackson scoffs at Jb's words, "Listen as Youngjae's friend it _is_ my business if he's getting involved with people like  _you."_

"Oh yeah? Tell me then, what am I like?"

"Oh I don't know,  _an asshole-"_

"Hey, you're one trying to start an argument for no reason here. I've done nothing wrong."

" _You know what-"_

**"SHUT UP!"**

Everyone in the room turns to me surprised by my outburst. "Look, I have a major headache right now and you two acting like children-"

"I was not-"

"Jackson I'm going to need you to shut the fuck up right now" He mumbles something under his breath about him being my hyung but I pay it no mind. Jaebum seems amused until in face him too, "You sir, are not much better then him so don't start acting all high and mighty" Jb grumbles and crosses his arms but says nothing else.

I start again, "As I was saying, you idiots are not helping at all right now. So I'm going to kindly ask you to keep your traps shut. Am I clear?"  Most nod so I decide to get back to the task at hand.

"So where is my-"

"Oh and your phone is now broken by the way" Bam cuts in.

"Welp this is just amazing. I have a broken phone and headache. You have anything to say for yourself Yugyeom?"

"...sorry?" he shrugs.

"Okay, okay, so I need a new phone. Anything else I should know?" I don't know if I can handle any more bad news right now. I'm going to have to take on a few extra shifts, I'm sure Taemin won't mind.

Now they all look guilty,  _that isn't_ _a_ _good_ _sign_ _._

Jinyoung comes over, sitting beside me and taking my hands in his. I know this is serious because the last time he looked like this was when he thought he had gotten a girl pregnant. Luckily, that wasn't the case but his similar expression is not easing my nerves at all.

"Listen Jae, we have something to tell you..." he looks back to the couples by the door who give him nods of encouragement. He faces me again and continues, "I don't want to sugarcoat it so I'll tell you flat out."

I chuckle bit to try and lighten the mood a bit but it only gains me sympathetic glances. "C'mon it can't be that bad right?" There's pity in Jinyoung's eyes, something I never hoped to see again from him, as he shakes his head. "Right guys?" I turn towards my friends who are wearing similar expressions to Jinyoung, it's unsettling to say the least. "Just listen to Jinyoung, please" Marks says.

Jinyoung sighs, I could tell this was hard for him. "You know the witch that lives beside you, well she and some of your other neighbours went to the landlord to complain about the noise saying that it has happened many times before. So when we woke up this morning there was a sign posted on your door saying... you have a week to move out. We are so sor-"

"Get out."

_I spent months saving up for that apartment_

"But Youngj-" Mark started.

"I said get the _fuck_ out." My voice is practically seething as I squeeze out the words.

_I knew I shouldn't have had that party._

"Look," I try again more softly "Please just leave, I really need some time alone"

These are my only true friends, I don't wanna say anything I'll regret.

"Okay", Jinyoung mumbled before walking out with the two couples, the door shutting with an audible click behind them.

For awhile there's silence in the room. I hear nothing but my own breathing and the sound of my heart that feels like it's beating out of my chest. Neither Jaebum or the nurse say anything as I stare blankly at the wall ahead of me.

I don't know when the first tear escaped my eye. I don't know when I had pulled both my knees to my chest and began quietly sobbing. I certainly don't know when it was I felt a pair of strong arms wrap around me.

I couldn't find the strength to push the person away, nor do I think I wanted to. I took the small comfort gratefully and didn't even flinch when their hand began slowly carding it's way through my hair. I heard some whispers come from above me but I wasn't really listening, because for once I just allowed myself to cry. It has been what seemed like forever since the last time that I did.

I know I have my demons. I constantly fight the voices in my head. I don't like to admit it but I'm just...

_Broken_

  •✉️• 

After I had calmed down Mr. Kim, the nurse not the teacher, gave me and Jaebum a note excusing us for the day. We rode to my place on his bike and were now just sitting on the couch in my living room.

We still haven't spoken since we awkwardly pulled away from the impromptu hug in the nurses office. I simply showed him my address on my phone so he knew where to drive me. I hadn't questioned it when he parked the bike and followed me upstairs, I was too drained to argue.

Turns out Jinyoung was telling the truth because as soon as we got here I saw an eviction notice on my door. Jaebum didn't even comment when I crumpled the paper and tossed it in the trash.

I don't know where I'm gonna go or put all my stuff. I can't go back to Taemin because I don't want to burden them again. If Jimin finds out he'll practically force me to move back in with them.

"Youngjae, I have an idea" Jaebum says finally breaking the silence and effectively interrupting my train of thought.

I turn to face him, "And what would your amazing plan be?"

_"Move in with me."_

•✉️•

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit early but it is my Christmas present to all of you! Sorry about the lack of updates, but my teachers have decided to cram as much work in as they can before the break and exams:), I'm a little stressed but I'll try and get out at least 3 more chapters before school starts. Have a happy holidays everyone!


	11. Neuf~Rings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Difficult decisions and flashbacks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know why but there were was a bunch of random spaces when I posted this, I tried to fix it but it was being annoying. So sorry if you see any throughout this ;(

**_Youngjae POV_ **  
_"Move in with me"_

_"What?!"_

Jb shrugs before bracing his hands on his knees and standing up from the couch. I watch him incredulously as he makes his way towards the kitchen. He stops in front of the fridge with one hand on the handle "I said," he pauses opening the fridge and retrieving a can of beer before closing it again. "Move in with me." he repeats casually, cracking open the Budweiser and taking a swig.

I shake my head as I get up to join him in the kitchen where he is now leaning against the cheap wooden countertop. "Yeah, I heard you the first time." I state matter-of-factly, "That doesn't make the suggestion any less crazy."

"Oh really now?" He responds in a flat tone.

I decide to ignore his attitude for now, "Yes, really. So the answer is no, I'll find another solution." I insist.

"Are you sure about that?" He questions with a raised brow, afterwards taking another long sip of his drink.

"Dude, I've known you for what? A day? Well, I knew  _of_  you long before that, but that's not the point. I'm not moving in with a stranger." I sigh and begin pacing back and forth in the small space trying to think of basically any other option.

After a few minutes of relative silence Jb mutters something under his breath that I can't quite catch. I stop pacing, "What did you say?"

He shakes his head slightly, "Don't worry about it." he says lowly before chugging the remainder of the beer and chucking in the trash. He sits at the dining table now, beckoning me over as well. "Sit down, I don't know how much longer I can handle the pacing" I scoff but do it nonetheless.

He sits comfortably in the chair, one leg crossed over the other as he speaks. "I'm going to have to ask you to hear me out on this." I nod crossing my arms over my chest, waiting patiently for him to continue.

"Youngjae, I know you are apprehensive about this because of how little you know me. I can't really blame you for that because if I was in your position I would probably feel the exact same way." He admits placing his hands on the table, lacing them together. "However, considering you're living alone in high school - I don't want to assume anything but - I believe you don't have much of a choice right now."

_He's right about that, but I'm not just going to tell him just yet._

"What I'm offering is in no way a permanent solution, so don't think about it like that. Think of it as a small favour until you're fine to live on your own again. It's merely a suggestion, but you could sell your furniture and put it towards saving up for a new place... and phone. In the mean time you could just crash at mine, of course you would have to pay half the rent and we would split the chores. I'm not letting you live there for free." After he's done he rises from his seat to return to the living room. "You don't have to make your decision right now, just consider it and let me know." He speaks over his shoulder while grabbing the tv remote. "Now how do you feel about a movie?" He questions with a small smirk.

I can't help but chuckle a bit at his expression, walking up to him to take the remote for myself. "Fine, but I'm choosing. I hope you like comedies." I respond and he rolls his eyes while plopping down in the couch with me. "Of course you had to be a comedy fan."

I look at him with mock offence, "Are you judging me for my taste in movies in my own home?" He shoots me a deadpanned expression in return."Yes." I scoff and hit his arm lightly before going to Netflix and choosing something to watch.

During the movie I take the time to think about his offer, to  _really_ think about it.

All in all, it's a pretty good idea considering the circumstances. I'm not attached to my furniture so I wouldn't mind selling it. Actually, I wouldn't mind selling any of my belongings but I kinda need my clothes and uniform.

_With the exception of two things. The blanket and my ring._

The blanket is the only thing I have to remember my parents by. It's big, soft and my favourite colour, turquoise. They gave it to me on my tenth birthday instead of the Nintendo DS I wanted. I didn't appreciate it then but it's now one of my most prized possessions. It's kind of worn down now but that blanket kept me warm when I was living on the streets. I never sleep without it.

 _My ring._ I remember the day I got that ring.

•✉️•

 _"Happy birthday Jaejae_ _!_ _"_ _M_ _y best friend said to me while handing me a small box. It was poorly wrapped but that didn't matter to me._ _I knew I would love anything that I received from him._

 _I hummed appreciatively while taking a second to admire his efforts. The wrapping paper was turquoise and he had used music note stickers in attempt to hide where it was cut unevenly._ _"Thank you_ _B_ _ummie_ _,_ _" I_ _l_ _eaned in to_ _give him a hug_ _, being mindful not to drop my new gift in the process_ _. "I was gonna come visit you later, how come you're out?"_

 _He smiled as we pulled away from the hug, eyes becoming something akin to crescent moons._ _"_ _Doctor Min said I was healthy enough to leave the hospital for a few hours! I have to go back soon though_ _._ _"_ _H_ _e_ _finished_ _pout_ _ing_ _cutely._

 _It's my eleventh birthday and I'm happy we get to spend time together out of the hospital for once._ _Though playing hide and seek with the nurses there is always fun._

 _"Don't worry Bummie, I promise you're gonna get better soon_ _._ _" I_ _assure him_ _flashing the beautiful smile I got from my mother._

 _He scoffs playfully rolling his eyes._ _" I already know that, I'm like super strong_ _._ _"_ _H_ _e stands up on the bed placing his hands on his hips, trying to mimic a superhero._

 _"Yeah, yeah now sit down_ _._ _" I laugh, he really is adorable sometimes._

 _He sits down_ _claiming I'm just jealous of his 'coolness' as_ _I begin opening his gift._ _After tearing off the wrapping paper_ _\- albeit_ _a little too aggressively_ _-_ _I open the box to see two rings inside._ _They were made of what looked to be steel and had indents on the outside so that when you placed them together they formed a heart. What caught my attention however, was our initials engraved on the inside of the rings._

 _I look_ _up at him_ _confused as to why he would get us matching rings._

 _He shifts awkwardly, scratching lightly behind his ear._ _"I had dad's secretary go out and make them in secret. I got them so even when we're apart or..."_ _H_ _e trails off " ... well I don't wanna think about that._ _The point is w_ _e'll always be together"_ _He_ _grabs the box from me then takes out the ring that has Jb engraved on it and puts it on my left ring finger._

_"Wait, shouldn't you be the one to wear this one? It says your name on it" I ask._

_He shakes his head in disagreement._ _"No,_ _like I said,_ _the_ _purpose_ _of these rings is_ _so_ _that even when we're not together_ _,_ _it's like we are. That ring represents me and this one_ _-_ _"_ _H_ _e holds up the other ring_ _,_ _"_ _-_ _represents you. Now it's your turn"_ _H_ _e places the ring_ _that has Yj engraved_ _in my hand._

_Repeating his actions from before I slide the ring on his much skinnier and pale finger._

_"It's like we're getting married" I giggle._

_"I guess so_ _,_ _huh" he laughs as well._

 _We lay back in bed and turn on our sides to face each other._ _Our gazes meet yet neither one of bothers to look away -_ _there is nothing but silence._

_It's not an awkward silence but a comfortable one._

_Out of nowhere he closes his eyes and his face starts_ _inching_ _closer to mine. I don't_ _register_ _what's happening but before I have time to react I feel his lips on mine._ _There's no movement, nothing but a peck. I'm old enough to know he was kissing me, having seen it from my parents on multiple occasions, but I was shocked nonetheless._

 _Oh my god! I'm kissing my best friend right now._ _I mean technically he was the one who kissed me but - w_ _hat_ _'s_ _going on_ _?!_

_And why do_ _n't I hate it?_

_I close_ _d_ _my eyes as well and after a few more seconds he pull_ _ed_ _away and hug_ _ged_ _me close to his chest._ _I could hear his rapid heartbeat and feel the burning of my cheeks, but I said nothing. I had so many questions but I guessed they could wait until later._

 _No more words were shared that night and I fell asleep in his arms_ _, comforted by the familiar warmth._

_When I woke up an hour later he wasn't beside me so I just assumed he had to go back to the hospital early._

**_I never saw Lee Jaebum again._ **

**•✉️ **•****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please try to remember this flashback it's important!


End file.
